Grieving and trying to find comfort

SSince my mom died a little over 4 months ago, I have gone through many emotions through the stages of grief. I've been confused over a lot of my feelings as they've poured over in to various aspects of my life. I want answers more than anything and look for comfort and help where I can find it. The pain is so intense and I wish it would go away. I know it won't for awhile but I will find anything I can to at least help ease it. I've been doing some research and came across this site http://www.thegriefblog.com/ I also found the poems below and thought I would share them:

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(This first one is about a child but it describes what I feel like when the pain and reality of losing my mom hits me)

*The Raw Pain of Grief*

July 10, 2009 by The Grief Blog

By Lana Golembeski -

Wham! Bam!

Grief comes tearing around the corner

Blindsides you

You can’t even see it coming!
Life is back to an even keel

As best as it can be.

And then grief rears its ugly head

It just takes a single moment

For it to find you

And hit you hard in your gut

Spinning you back to square one.
The tears flow uncontrollably

And you feel like you just got the news for the first time.
The pain racks your entire body,

And the anger fills your entire soul.
And you scream WHY??

But you know there are no answers.
No one is listening.

The emptiness of that black hole surrounds you

And it sucks you down into the pits of despair.

Again.
Why can’t grief just let you go?

Why can’t you have your child back?

Nothing could feel more wrong

And there is no way to fix it.

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*As If*

July 2, 2009 by The Grief Blog

By Kristen Spexarth -

Somewhere along a lifetime most are broken but we pretend we are not taking up armor and masks as if so doing we could fool the rest as if a state of brokenness was something to be ashamed of.

Contorted behind a smiling and daily polished patina we bend ourselves into pretzels for fear of a glimmer, warm and needing, might shine through and blow our cool.

As if no one could read the details running ticker tape across our foreheads.

As if none could see our clumsy antics tripping over bloated and rotting unattended business. 


As if our single-minded hypocrisy caused no pain. 


As if we could hide from who we are, as if who we are was hiding.

And still we are loved by those who see us better than we see ourselveslove letting go of face forever and taking up the heart of us however broken.

Perhaps it is time to accept that broken is a part of place that within these learning fields on earth broken is a state of grace wherein opportunity exists to learn the best and the worst of it.

Perhaps it’s time to recognize and embrace the way we feel picking our broken pieces off the ground of being, learning to knit them together again with compassion for ourselves, larger than we were before, larger than we ever imagined, building with a new awareness that somehow broken opens a door invisible before.

And with new found wholeness, expansive,that embraces the broken and the mending we become alive to the possibility of sharing our humanity.

Unbroken we can never know this.

So let go of fear of falling, stubbing pride and dignity embrace the lessons a lifetime brings laughing and crying wholeheartedly.

To ride our time without a bump in our imagined being would be to live an epoxy bubble, brittle, indifferent, and unmoved by beauty untouched by an ocean of love surroundingbeckoning us to jump.